Mark: We played a guessing game.
Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam?
Mark: That’s right.
Knowing that the minister was very fond of Cherry Brandy, one of the church elders offered to give him a bottle on one condition. – that he acknowledge receipt of the gift in the Church Bulletin.
The next Sunday, the elder turned at once to the ‘Appreciation’ column. There he read: "The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and the spirit in which it was given."
A man walked into a bar with a banana on his head. As he served him, the bartender said, "Look, I don't know if you realize this, but you've got a banana on your head."
"That's okay," said the man. "I always wear a banana on my head on Tuesdays."
"But today's Wednesday," said the bartender.
"It's not, is it?" groaned the man. "Oh no! I must look like a complete idiot!"
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most of us are the do-it-yourself type.
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '82."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '82, also!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
Several women were visiting an elderly friend who was ill. After a while, they rose to leave and told her; "We will keep you in our prayers."
"Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."
If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Tracy the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Good, what are we having for breakfast," said Scott the new husband. "Toast and juice," Tracy replied.
A husband and wife were at the mall when they got separated. The wife calls him on her cell phone. "Where are you?" she asks.
"Well, do you remember the store when we were first married and you were looking at a beautiful ring in the jewelry store window, but we could not afford it?"
"Yes", she replies, excited to think about what he was about to say, a tear forming in her eyes.
"Great, I am at the sports store right next to it."