Sunday Silliness

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, "We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out, "Aces!" Three men were arguing about what was the first profession mentioned in the Bible. First, the surgeon spoke up: "I think the medical profession is the first profession mentioned in the Bible. God made Eve by carving a rib out of Adam." The engineer replied: "No, engineering was first. Just think of the engineering job it was to create things out of chaos." Finally the politician settled it by asking: "Who do you think created the chaos?" Four-year-old Jason was complaining about having to attend church. His mother explained that he should learn about God, because it was God who made him. After some thought, Jason said, "Well, if I don't learn about God, do you think he will He take me apart?" One day in heaven, the Lord decided He would visit the earth and take a stroll. Walking down the road, He encountered a man who was crying. The Lord asked the man, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunset. The Lord touched the man; then he could see, and he was happy. As the Lord walked further, He met another man crying and asked, "Why are you crying my son?" The man said he was born a cripple and had never able to walk. The Lord touched him and healed him. He could walk, and he was happy. Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said, "Lord I work for the public school system." ... and the Lord sat down and cried with him! A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?" One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said, "Professor you're 44.." The Professor said, "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said, "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's only half crazy." A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer Camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?" The kid gave him a disgusted look and answered, "Don't you have a mother?" Three people applying for the same job: a mathematician, a statistician, and an accountant. The interviewing committee first calls in the mathematician. They say, "We have only one question. What is 500 plus 500?" The mathematician, without hesitation, says "1000." The committee sends him out and calls in the statistician. When the statistician comes in, they ask the same question. The statistician ponders the question for a moment, and then answers "1000... I'm 95% confident." He is then also thanked for his time and sent on his way. When the accountant enters the room, he is asked the same question: "what is 500 plus 500?" The accountant replies, "what would you like it to be?" They hire the accountant. The Pastor asked an energetic young man to help him fill some vacancies in the Sunday School teaching roster. After looking over the church roll and determining who was available, he asked one man if he would help the Pastor by teaching a class of young boys. The man responded saying, "Let me think about it and pray over it. I'll let you know." After a week without the man's response, the man was asked again if he would take the job of teaching the young boys. Again, the man replied, "Let me think and pray about it. I'll let you know." After another week and still no response, when the man was asked again if he would teach the class of young boys, he replied, "I don't think I can take the class, because I don't think I am being called to teach." The young man replied, "What do you mean you aren't called to teach? I've called you three times myself."