Sunday Silliness

The story is told of the Atheist who accosted a preacher. "Do you believe in eternal life?" The preacher has no time to reply. "Well its a load of rubbish!" shouted the Atheist. "I believe in science, evolution, survival of the fittest, and when we die, that's it! No eternal life, no great judgement, and no God!" The Atheist continues his assault against the preacher repetitiously and tirelessly. "Eternal life! Eternal life! Ha! "Its all pie in the sky when you die." When I die that's it, the end, no eternal life, no nothing. He continues, until he reaches his climax, "I will be buried six feet under when I die and that's it! Nothing! Caput! When I die I am utterly convinced that that will be the end of me!" "Well thank God for that" replies the preacher! God said to Adam, "I am going to make you a helper, a companion. What would you like your companion to be like?" Adam replied, "Well I want someone that is humorous, witty, intelligent, compassionate, caring, loving, trusting, polite, generous and beautiful." God paused a moment after Adam's wish list and told Adam that a companion like that 'would cost him an arm and a leg.' Adam seemed a little dejected and then brightly replied: "What can I get for a Rib?" After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think that means?" "You'll know tonight." he whispered romantically. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it. Somewhat less delightedly, she discovered it was a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams." Here's hoping there is no one like this at your workplace. Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to the employee who came up with the best way of saving money. The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to a hundred dollars. A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. "What's the matter?" he was asked. He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!" I have a friend whose husband is not much for helping around the house. She said her housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Texas." I am recommending lots of bleach & hot water!