A Texas rancher, visiting a South Dakota farmer friend, asked him to show him his farm.
After seeing the 1,000 acre spread, the Texan bragged that down home he could get into his car, drive all day, and by evening would not have gotten to the distant point of his ranch.
The South Dakotan simply replied, "You know, I had a car like that once."
After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed Little Johnny in the chair.
"I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When Little Johnny's haircut was complete and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said Little Johnny. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, kid, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
I have a buddy who helps coordinate training for visually-impaired adults.
Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features. He had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing himself. Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see him well, he jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford."
He is retiring that line after one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!"
Soon after their last child left home for college, a couple was sitting quietly on the couch. The husband was resting next to his wife on the couch with his head in her lap. She carefully removed his glasses.
"You know, honey," she said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."
"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"
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